I've been feeling that special pregnant woman blend of "can't quite breathe, can't quite digest, can't quite get comfortable." The baby is moving around in a way that feels gross. Companionable, but gross. At this stage, I can tell the baby has BONES. When he pushes out from behind my ribs, it occurs to me once again how weird it is to reproduce like this. NO ONE should have access to behind my ribs.
The OB told me at my last visit that I need to stop going around blabbing to everyone that everything goes a lot faster after 30 weeks, because he says that point of view is "...unusual." He says for most women, the last 10 weeks are the slowest. Oh. I'm trying to figure out how many first- and second-trimester women I've confidently reassured that things pick up speed later. Two million? Three? It is possible that many of them are greatly pissed with me. I didn't mean to! I thought it was true! I find those earlier weeks so tedious and slow, but at 33 weeks I feel like things are going at a good clip, and the end is in beautiful, beautiful sight.
Which is good, because other things look a little grim. I tried to get the cloth cover off Elizabeth's car seat so I could, you know, wash the barf off it, and I finally had to resort to reading the instruction manual. I'll skip over the next part, which is where I go through every page saying, "Where! is! the goddam! part! about! removing the goddam cover!!!" and then spend five minutes complaining in a shrill, angry, panicking voice to Paul that every single page says, basically, "WARNING!! YOU ARE GOING TO USE THIS CAR SEAT INCORRECTLY NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, AND SOMETHING TERRIBLE WILL HAPPEN AND IT WILL BE COMPLETELY YOUR FAULT!!"
The first instruction for taking off the pad is to remove the eight Phillips-head screws from the back panel. That's just wrong. WRONG. We chose this car seat because it's the top-rated Consumer Reports convertible seat, but I think Consumer Reports needs to add a ratings column for ease of laundering. I'm all for safety, and I would choose the same seat again for safety reasons, but holy freaking crap, I couldn't even get the screws unscrewed, and maybe that was for the best since there were about twenty instructions after that, including more warnings about how I would certainly put the seat back together wrong and it would cause SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH!! I resisted kicking the car seat, but I did "bump into it" on my way past so it would tip over. I tackled it with upholstery cleaner and a washcloth, and then I put it outside to dry and air out. But I am not what you'd call happy about it.
Edited for this correction: Tessie asked what car seat it was, and in looking up the details I see that we do not in fact have the top-rated seat as I'd remembered, though we have one of the top three. The seat we have is the Evenflo Triumph 5, and the top-rated seat is the Evenflo Titan 5, which, as an added bonus, is an estimated $40 cheaper than the Triumph (at the time of the May 2005 rating). But: the twins outgrew the weight limits on their infant seats before they were old enough to be front-facing, and the weight limit for rear-facing was higher for the Triumph 5 than for the Titan 5. (This might not be the case any longer--it was well over a year ago that we bought these, and all I can find now is "deluxe" versions of the Titan 5.)
Summer sleep-away camp supplies - I am in a TIZZ about Elizabeth going to Girl Scouts camp this summer. I’m GLAD she’s going, and I’m glad she WANTS to go, but it’s a week and this is the f...